Time, time, time......

1,613 days

38,712 hours

2,322,720 Minutes

139,363,200 seconds

That’s how long we’ve been waiting.  Keep in mind; these figures are based on our LID, not from when we actually started the whole process.  Our paper chase took us over 6 months to complete.  It’s going to be a few more months before we know anything. 

Here are the facts and what we do know:

·         Latest referrals were made for families logged in through May 29, 2006.

·         There are 28 referral days in front of us

·         We are “On Deck” with our agency

·         Unless the CCAA comes to a screeching halt, we WILL see our baby in 2011. 

Holidays are the hardest time.  Everything you see is geared towards families and children.  It makes the emptiness in our house just that much starker.  There are a lot of people out there, with kids, who take it all for granted.  I long to hear my child(ren) running through the house on Christmas morning, hyper and excited to open gifts.  I can SEE it sometimes when I’m sitting in the recliner in our living room.  I know Jason feels the same way.  It’s hard to get into the celebrations when you know that a piece of your family is missing.

We don’t put a tree up…haven’t for the last couple of years.  It’s just the 2 of us and we don’t see a reason to right now.  Next year, it will probably be our first Christmas with our little one.  Oh I can’t wait!  The tree WILL be going up then.  I can’t wait to see her eyes when she sees it for the first time.  We even already have a decorating plan.  I have a Cricut machine so all of our ornaments will be paper.  That way, if one falls off the tree, there will be no cut fingers or toes. 

Alas, I’m rambling.  I fully intended this post to be about my next guesstimates and such.  So here’s my guesstimate:  My guess for the next batch is June 5, 2006 based on the past numbers and referral rates.  It’s still looking like a May/June referral for us, meaning July/August travel.  It will probably be another month to month and a half before we see if I was right…..again.  This last year, I was wrong for only one batch….and that was because they referred MORE than I had anticipated.  I hope that I’m wrong in that manner a lot more in the beginning of 2011 so that our referral comes all that much sooner.

4 more shopping days until Christmas….

Patience is a Virtue???

December 1, 2005, Jason and I submitted our application to adopt a child from China.  At that time, the wait was approximately 8 months from application to travel.  We were told that we would most likely be parents by Christmas, 2006. 

Oh how wrong they were.  We had major issues getting some of the paperwork needed…mainly, my employment verification letter.  My HR Department wanted the Chinese Government to call their 1-800 employee verification hotline.  Ummm, would you willingly tell a Communist Government to do that?  No way!  They’d laugh in your face!  Getting the letter written and having it use acceptable terminology was close to a 3 month process.   That form was faxed back and forth between the US and China more times than I can count on one hand.  I’m honestly surprised we weren’t charged for the fax bill.

Our paperwork was DTC (Dossier To China) on June 13, 2006.  Still doable for a Christmas referral as at that time, the wait had shortened to 6 months.

Then came the period between September, 2006 and February, 2007.  The program came to a virtual screeching halt.  The number of referral days started dwindling until they hit March and April of 2007.  Things seemed to have stopped at that time.  Now, I have no idea what really caused it.  We can only speculate.  China was preparing for the 2008 Olympics…officials claimed that there weren’t enough paper ready babies to refer…yada, yada, yada.  All I know is the data.  They barely did 2 months of referral days in 2007 and 2008.  2009 saw only March of 2006 referred.  We’ve seen a bit of a speed up in 2010 so far.  The next batch will probably be the last batch for 2010.  I’m guessing they won’t complete May of 2006, but will come close.  I expect the cut-off to be May 29, 2006.  I’m guessing that date based on past data.  That being said, based on the small numbers from the October batch, we won’t be getting a referral until April of 2011 now.  Hey, I suppose that’s good news because at one time, I was predicting 2013. 

Fact:  I do know that the Special Needs program has increased the number of children to be adopted.  They’ve been putting most of their focus on that. 

What I don’t understand is if you want to put that much emphasis on the SN program, why wouldn’t they close the Non-Special Needs program and solely focus on SN?  It’s kinder than letting those parents now logging into the NSN program to just sit for years and years. 

So in five years, I’ve been told MANY MANY times to be patient.  At this point, I don’t know how much MORE patient one can get!

9 Years

Nine short years ago, on this day, I married the love of my life. 

It’s been quite the trip!  It’s been nine years of Jasonisms and Jason-cuts.

I don’t know what I would do without him in my life.  I love him so very much. 

We’ve been told by many that we have the perfect marriage.  I am going to beg to differ on that one.  Nothing in life is perfect.  We are very well matched.  For all of his playfulness, I have the seriousness.  For his absentmindedness, I have the logic.  For his Jasonisms, I’ve learned to interpret what he’s saying.  For his Jason-cuts, I’ve learned to study where we’re going, because he will NOT use a GPS.  (those of you who have had him drive you places, you know what I’m talking about.)  For my melancholy, he’s the silliness needed to get me out of my funk. 

What am I saying?  While we are not perfect and while we do fight at times, we also balance eachother.  We don’t have the same taste in decorating, we don’t have the same taste in TV shows, but what we do have works.  He’s stuck by me during the very long journey that our adoption has taken us on.  For some couples, the long wait has doomed their relationships.  For us, it’s seemed to have brought us closer together. 

Happy Anniversary, Love.

November 24

So that day marks our 9^th Wedding anniversary.  Next year, our 10^th, will fall on Thanksgiving Day.  We know we probably won’t be able to do anything to celebrate then.  So we want to do something special for this year. 

Any ideas?  Funds are low, so no extravagant trips.  Believe me, I’d LOVE a cruise.  Disney World would be wonderful too.  The one problem with all of the ideas that I’m finding is the prices are inflated due to the holiday.  Motel rooms are up….airline tickets are up….it’s sooooo frustrating!  Sure, we can stay home…as usual…go out for dinner….as usual…

And what do I get him???

The Traditional 9^th Anniversary gift is Pottery.

The Modern 9^th Anniversary gift is Leather.  Oooookay.  Kinky much?  Mind out of the gutter, Kristi!!

So, back to what to do?  I’m stuck.

This is too funny

Have you ever seen something so out of the ordinary that it was just hilarious?

Here’s an activity to do today:

1.       Navigate to Google Maps

2.       Click on Get Directions

3.       Enter the town you live in for Point A

4.       Enter Guangzhou, China for Point B

5.       Click the button that says Get Directions

6.       Read said directions

Let me know what you find!

My Latest Guesstimate

On the heels of this incredibly small batch which, incidentally, had a couple sets of twins, I had to redo my numbers.  It’s the first time in a while that I had to start “tinkering” with my formulas.  I have had to come up with 3 possible guesses.  One based on the information and pace they have been moving at for most of 2010, another based on the tiny little batch they just did, and then I did an average of the 2. 

So, based on the 3 unscientific methods of number crunching, here are my 3 guesstimates for the cut-off of the next group of referrals:

Based on the tiny batch: May 26 will be the next cutoff

Based on the previous batches of 2010: May 30 will be the next cutoff

Based on the average of the two: May 29 will be the next cutoff

I’m not even going to attempt to guess as to what I really think will be the cut-off date.  They have used the last batches of the year to make significant slowdowns in the past and this could be another slowdown.  Then again, they could surprise me and pick the pace back up.  This last batch could have been a fluke based on the fact that last month’s batch was larger than average.  When you look at that, it’s entirely possible that the two average each other out and, if that’s the case; we’re still looking at a late February referral. 

And, as of today, we’ve been waiting 1,567 days.

This just in….

American and European agencies have confirmed that referrals have been mailed out by the CCAA and that the cut off was May 23, 2006. 

One of the smallest batches ever. 

This does not bode well for my guesstimate of spring travel to China. 

If they continue at that pathetically slow pace with equally pathetically small batches, we’ll get our referral May/June with July/August travel.  We may very well be the first group of people to hit the 5 year mark for waiting.  At least that’s what it’s now looking like.  That 5 year mark doesn’t include the amount of time it took for our paper chase.  (If you include that time, December 1 will be the 5 year anniversary of submitting our application to adopt.)  No, the waiting milestones are all based on the LID. 

What wonderful news for a Monday morning!!!

Finally! A name!

So Jason and I finally found a name that we really like and that we both agreed on! No, we aren't going to announce it here…at least until we announce our referral. Only a couple of you know what name we've chosen. I'm just so in love with the name. It's unique. AND it won't make any weird acronyms when combined with our last name. From all of the sites I've researched, it's a girl's name only. It also saves us from any hard feelings on either side of the family for naming after a relative. If you ask, I'll consider telling you what it is, but I've had bad luck posting a name and then having everyone and their brother naming their child the same name.

Call me superstitious, but I have the worst luck…

OOO!!! I'm just too happy about this.

A rumor - Next batch of referrals

The latest rumor is that the CCAA has started matching for this month.  My calculations are showing that this next batch COULD go through May 26, 2006 but I believe that they’ll match through May 23, 2006.  The last batch was for all families whose LID was May 16^th, 17^th, and 18^th of 2006.  That means that it’s going to be a smaller than average month in terms of referral numbers and that they’re in the process of slowing the NSN program yet again. 

What does that mean for us?  Well, if they continue with smaller sized batches, it means that our referral will come much later in the year….like in April or May.  That means that my hopes of becoming a mother before I turn 40 have just been completely and utterly obliterated. 

I’m so tired.  Tired of waiting, tired of hoping, just plain tired of all of the pain.  My heart aches when I see other families.  I KNOW I’m supposed to be thankful for what I have, but this constant emptiness that I feel is really becoming too hard to bear. 

I wish I could be positive.  I wish I didn’t feel like this.  I wish I wasn’t crying…..

The Day Some Brain Cells Died

We went out to eat last night at Famous Dave's. MMMMM BBQ. I tried their new Beef Short Rib Sandwich. Jason got his usual half rack Baby Backs Memphis Style (no sauce). Our waitress was a sweet gal. Pretty, smiled a lot. I think she is in high school.

And she giggled. Not just any giggle, but the stereotypical dumb blonde giggle. She greeted us. And giggled. Apologized for the wait. And giggled. Brought us our drinks. And giggled. WOW! She put in our order which gave us a breather from the giggles.

I tried to take a drink of my water through a straw…got air. Pulled it out and it had a hole in the bendy part. She came back and I asked her for a new straw…"Oh no!!! You didn't get it all over yourself did you?"

"Nope"

Giggle giggle giggle…"it happens all the time." Her hands were waving everywhere….I was almost afraid for my water.

She brought us our food. Giggle giggle.

Everything OK? Giggle

"Yes, could I get some more sauce?" The short ribs were glazed in a Dr Pepper glaze. It was very tasty and I really wanted more.

She brought it out….giggling. Apparently, she almost sneezed…or so she said while she giggled.

"Did you want dessert?"

By this time, we were laughing so hard we could barely eat anymore. We did splurge and get the bread pudding.

She brought us our check. Between the giggles and the sugar, I was ready to just go home.

I think I lost a few brain cells tonight.

 

By the way….she wasn't blonde. She's brunette.

Probably has a 4.0……

I-600A Renewals

Yesterday we found out the fees for renewing the I-600A paperwork went up.  It was $670 and is now $720.

About a month ago, we sent our renewal off to the USCIS for processing.  It’s our 3^rd renewal since we started this whole adoption process.  My biggest fear was that we would receive notice that we needed to pay yet another fee to the US government because what else do they do besides take all of our money? 

Came home from work today and found that we had received our renewal.  We have until April of 2012 to complete our adoption before we have to start the whole immigration process over…from scratch.  So, what that means is, we should be done with that.  Considering that we’re anticipating a spring referral.  This latest one was a “grandfathered” extension which was free.  Yes, folks, you read this correctly!  We didn’t have to pay for this one!  Free Free Free!  And we’re done! 

With all of the things we’ve had to pay for this year, I’m so relieved that this one came through the way it did.  Finally, something went our way.  And…we also got away without having to do another Home Study for this renewal.  We were one month away from needing an updated one for USCIS.  That would have been $425.  We will have to probably get our fingerprints done right before we leave, but I can live with that.

Baby Names

I’ve been pondering baby names throughout the whole wait period. 

When we first started the process, I was dead set on Madeline for a name.  Well, everybody and their brother started naming their girls Madeline (and every spelling variation known to man – and probably others extremely odd as well).  Then I saw that my mother – in – law’s mother’s middle name was Sophia.  I loved that name too, until everyone started naming their daughter that. 

I really don’t want to follow a trend.  I want something relatively timeless.  I want her name to be something meaningful.  I don’t want to follow the trend where every “I” is replaced with “Y”.  I want people to see her name and KNOW she’s a girl – so androgynous names are out. 

Another name I had chosen at one time was Alberdena Johanna.  Alberdena is my maternal grandmother’s name.  Johanna was my paternal grandmother’s middle name (her first name was Henrietta – um, NO!  I will not do that to my child, no matter how much I loved my Grandma).  I would have called her Allie Jo.  My Grandma Allie told “you’ll name her Alberdena over my dead body”.  Well, she’s still living, so that’s a no, as well. 

But now, with the adoption, her middle name is going to be her given Chinese name.  It will be in honor of her heritage. 

So we’re back to square one with choosing a first name.  Ideally, I’d like a list of names to choose from.  I believe that you can’t accurately name a child until you look into their eyes and see their face.  Don’t get me wrong, there are many cases where I’ve heard of the parents choosing the name before they see their baby, but in my case, I’d like to see her before I name her.  Another difficulty is that my husband and I do not agree on names we like.  Yes, there are a few; but for the most part, we have different tastes. 

I like the idea of the name honoring someone who means the world to you.  The one name that I keep coming back to is Jolee.  It’s a combination of my brother’s first and middle names….incidentally, his “nickname” of sorts.  It means “pretty” in French.  Sorry baby bro…don’t mean to call you “pretty”.  Not that you aren’t handsome! 

I asked my nieces for their opinions.  They gave me Taylor, Tanner, Maddie, Emma, Tyler.  I told them that I needed girl names.  My youngest niece replied, “They ARE girls.”  This is what I mean by androgynous names.  I’ve always known Taylor, Tanner, and Tyler to be boy names.  I once saw a movie (not for young eyes) where the leading lady (if you could call her a lady) was named Alex and she was assigned a dorm room with 2 other men.  I don’t want to take that kind of a chance with my little girl.  

So….names.  Any suggestions?

And the prediction is……

Ok, many of you have been asking “When will you get your referral?”.  There is no easy answer to that.  My predictions have been based on a “not-so-scientific” but “eerily accurate” method.  I’ll explain that now.

We have officially been waiting 1,537 days.  For adopting families, they refer to this as being “pregnant on paper”.  I’ve been “pregnant” for a very long time.  The African Elephant has an average gestation period of 660 days.  So, to put this into comparative terms, we’re working on our third elephant!

There are 39 LID’s before our LID. 

A website that I frequent, mainly to get updates on the China Adoption rumor mill, travel tips, etc, is called Rumor Queen.  She takes semi-annual polls to see how many families are in a certain LID.  She complies the information and posts it on her blog.  I take the data that she’s so generously complied and plug it into a spreadsheet that I’ve been maintaining for about the past three years.  I average the data in each LID.  When the CCAA posts their latest batch, I look at the number of families that were included in that batch.  I then calculate to see how many days will most likely be included in the next batch.  For 2010, I’ve been wrong once.  And that was this most recent batch where the CCAA referred more than I expected.  Friends, that threw my calculations out of whack!  Based on this latest batch, if the CCAA continues with batches of a similar size, we should be getting our referral with the January batch.  If they go back to the sizes of their previous batches, then we’re expecting a February referral.  I don’t have a prediction of when we’ll be seeing January or February referrals though.  I’ve not been keeping up with that data.  All I care about is how soon we’ll get that call…and picture. 

What does a January referral mean?  Late February, early March travel.

A February referral means late March, early April travel. 

So NEXT SPRING!

Terminology lesson

OK, class.  Today I’m going to give a lesson on what the terms I talk in mean.  If I didn’t know what they were, I’d be confused.  This will be your “One Stop Shop” for those answers.  People familiar with international adoption should recognize them.

DTC – This is the date that we sent our Dossier To China.  Our DTC was June 13, 2006.

LID – This is the Log In Date.  This is the date our paperwork was logged into the office of the CCAA.  Our LID is June 27, 2006.  The LID is significant because all referral match dates are based on the LID.  The latest batch of referrals was for families whose LID was May 16, May 17, and May 18.

CCAA – China Center for Adoption Affairs.  They are in the process of changing their name to CCWC (China Child Welfare Center).  This is the government agency who manages all of the domestic and international adoptions in China.  They are the group that we are entrusting an obscene amount of trust in the care of our future child.  In future posts, I’ll reflect on what we’ve been told their process is for matching babies with families.

TA – Travel Approval (called other things in other countries, this is the Notice of Coming to China)

CA – Consulate Appointment.  This will be when we meet with the American Consulate to get the Immigrant Visa for our child.  She (or possibly he) will be considered an American citizen as soon as her little feet touch American soil.  OOO, I can’t wait!!!

SN – Special Needs.  How does one define Special Needs.  There are some things that China defines as a “Special Need” when, in my humble opinion, they truly should not be.  They can range from a visible birthmark to a serious heart defect, from major deformities to being older than 2 years old.  I feel that ALL institutionally raised children should be considered Special Needs.  But, alas, I don’t make the rules.  We are not doing a Special Needs adoption. 

NSN – Non Special Needs.  These children have no known defects or deformities and are less than 2 years old.  We had to write a letter of request detailing “what” we were looking for.  We happened to choose “female child, as young as possible”. 

LOA – Letter of Acceptance – used in both NSN and SN process. In NSN program it is the document that allows you to officially accept a referral. In SN program the CCAA sends it after the LOI and before TA.

SWI / CWI – Social/Children’s Welfare Institute.  These terms reflect what orphanages are called in China.

If anyone has any questions, please raise your hand and I’ll call on you one at a time!  ;-)

What an expensive year!

2010 has been one terribly expensive year. It's been Murphy's Law for our little family. All of the bills for my surgery last November came in January. During that timeframe, we also had our furnace serviced. They found a hole in our heat exchange, so that meant a new furnace. Things moved smoothly until June, when we switched over to air conditioning…then our AC went out. Man it was hot in the house! So now we needed to get a new central air conditioner. August had Jason in the hospital, so now we're nearing the end of September and those hospital bills are starting to roll in, so what happens? Our washer and dryer decide to break too. Christmas is in less than 3 months AND we need to start working on the nursery and start purchasing what we need for our China trip. Ugh!
Oh! And our TV died.
What a rotten year.

Onto our quest for Dim Sum

We had found a place in town that we absolutely loved.  Café Su.  Sadly, they closed.  Now we have to drive out of town again to find the ever elusive cuisine.  I haven’t taken the chance to try and make any myself….perhaps because I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do it justice.  I have a Dim Sum cookbook (printed in Chinese AND English), but to make the tasty little treats, I need a scale…who in America measures their ingredients in grams???  My kitchen is already popping at the seams so I have no room for another appliance!  Oh well.  Bo Lings in Kansas City is the closest we’ve found that serves dim sum.  If anyone knows of any place in Minneapolis that they like, let us know.  We’d love to try it!

Catching Up

It’s been two years since we started this blog.  We had every intention of keeping this up to date to let everyone know what was going on in our lives.  After the first post, I stopped.  It was too depressing to chronicle our journey of adoption.  Four and a half years.  That’s how long we’ve been waiting for our child.  Four and a half years of longing to see her (or his) face.  Well, after the last few months of watching the referrals rolling in, it’s beginning to look like we’re nearing the end of this journey and preparing for a new one.  If my calculations are correct, we’ll be (hopefully) getting our referral shortly after the beginning of the new year (2011) – January, if they stay on track.  One thing that is certain, we will see our baby (Little Dumpling) in 2011.  I had hoped, a long long time ago, that I would be a mother by the time I was 30.  That passed a LONG time ago.  Now, nearing 40, all I can do is hope and pray that I’ll be a mom before I’m 40.  A lot of people don’t understand the emptiness of never having a child call them mom (or dad).  Those individuals have never been in our place.  Some of you understand though…