The latest rumor is that the CCAA has started matching for this month. My calculations are showing that this next batch COULD go through May 26, 2006 but I believe that they’ll match through May 23, 2006. The last batch was for all families whose LID was May 16th, 17th, and 18th of 2006. That means that it’s going to be a smaller than average month in terms of referral numbers and that they’re in the process of slowing the NSN program yet again.
What does that mean for us? Well, if they continue with smaller sized batches, it means that our referral will come much later in the year….like in April or May. That means that my hopes of becoming a mother before I turn 40 have just been completely and utterly obliterated.
I’m so tired. Tired of waiting, tired of hoping, just plain tired of all of the pain. My heart aches when I see other families. I KNOW I’m supposed to be thankful for what I have, but this constant emptiness that I feel is really becoming too hard to bear.
I wish I could be positive. I wish I didn’t feel like this. I wish I wasn’t crying…..
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