Wednesday, May 4, 2011

On the Randomness of Referrals (And other mindless drivel)

So the latest batch came out.  The official cut-off date hasn’t been confirmed yet, but it appears that June 20, 2006 was the cut off.  Below is a list of words I am using to describe the size of the batch:
·         Pathetic
·         Wretched
·         Dismal
·         Shameful
·         Depressing
·         Dreary
·         Disheartening
·         Disappointing
·         Discouraging
Get the picture? 
So what does that mean for us?  I’m not really sure.  Usually at this point of the wait, a person can accurately guess when they’ll get their referrals, but here’s the crux of the issue.  There’s a chance we could be next.  So do we assume that?  Get our hopes up?  Use that as the incentive to really start booking on our home projects that absolutely HAVE to get done?  I suppose so.  But there’s another side to doing that.  If we assume we’re next, and we aren’t, it’s going to be heartbreaking.  It WILL mean that we’d be in the next group, but still….
What do we have done?  Not much.  We did purchase a crib, so we’re a bit further along.  We haven’t had a chance to do a whole lot.  April was a weird month for us.  The week of the 4th through the 8th, I was making cheesecakes for my dad’s 70th birthday party.  We’ve been battling illnesses all winter, as well, and April was no exception.  Hopefully, we’re past that and can now focus on what we need to. 
We have 2 projects that we need to get done.  The baby room is the main one.  That’s the one that’s going to be time consuming.  The other is to get the bath tub resurfaced.  It’s an old cast iron tub, original to the house, and the enamel had pretty much worn off when we purchased the house.  We had no way of replacing the tub (it was placed in the bathroom before they built the wall with the door) because no tubs would fit!  So we purchased one of those lovely do-it-yourself re-enameling  kits where you paint the toxic substance on yourself.  Um, that worked well.  Yeah, right.  We found a place that will resurface your tub for you and it’s supposed to last about 20 years.  Ding ding ding.  We’re doing that this time around.  So, yeah, it will cost more, but it should come out a lot better too. 
Jason, in the meantime, has replaced the doors in our house.  We found that NOTHING is plumb in the house.  There are absolutely NO right angles at all.  They don’t even come close! 
Another project that’s being done, most likely tonight, is replacement of the garage door opened.  The motor went out last night.  Fun, fun. 
We also need a new water heater. 
Why does EVERYTHING happen at once???
We still have to work at finalizing a packing list and we have to buy a car seat, stroller, pack-n-play, clothes, toys, diapers, wipes, formula, etc.  So the clothes and diapers and formula will have to wait.  We won’t know what size she is until we get the referral.  Shoot, we won’t even know if she is a SHE until we get the referral.  Boys have been known to pop up every so often.  Hope not.  All of the bedding is girly – pink, green and brown. 
Not much else happening on the home front. 

Monday, April 4, 2011

April Fool's Day Surprises - Not a joke

1,717 days waiting as of today. 
On Friday, April 1, the latest batch of referrals arrived!  I was asked by a couple of people if this was an elaborate April Fool’s joke.  I have to say that it wasn’t.  I don’t know anyone who’s been through this process who would make a joke like that. 
The latest batch included LID’s through June 15, 2006.  My guesstimate had said the 13th, so there were two extra days!  I LOVE it when I’m wrong like this!  Nothing but good news on that end. 
What that means for us is that there are now less than two weeks of referral days in front of us.
What that means for us is that we will most likely and probably, barring some huge earth shattering incident receive our referral in the batch after the next. 
What does that mean?  This summer, I will hold my baby.  After half a decade of waiting, after nearly a decade of infertility (Ok, the infertility has been over a lifetime, but we started trying after the wedding), I will finally be a mommy.  And my baby will be the most beautiful baby in the world.  I can say that with the same bias as every other mother on the face of this earth, because, to any mother, what child is more beautiful than yours?
The rollercoaster ride that has been this adoption is coming to an end.  The long journey is nearly over.  Will we do it again?  Not internationally.  Probably domestic.  As Jason says, “Let’s get this one home first.”
And we will.  This is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Surprises!

Surprise!  The CCAA did a batch early this time.  The last few have had roughly 40 days in between.  This time, there wasn’t even one month!  I logged onto the rumor site where I get the majority of my info.  Lo and behold, a rumor had popped in that the CCAA was preparing to match.  This was early on Thursday.  So, during my lunch break, I decided to peek again to see if there were updates.  What a shocker to find out that there were reports of referral calls in Europe!  I about passed out from the shock!  Not just that, but they did a full week of referral days!  June 9, 2006 was the latest cutoff. 
So, what does that mean for us?
·         As of today, we’ve been waiting 1,681 days. 
·         Our Log in Date is June 27, 2006.
·         There are 18 referral days in front of us.
·         IF they continue at the pace they’re on, we should see our referral in May!
Yes, May!  This is pushed up from the July referral window that I was initially calculating!  This is becoming real folks!  I’m going to be a mommy this summer! 

That being said, we are now in panic mode to get things done and organized.  We started working on getting Dumpling’s room cleared out so that we can strip the old wallpaper and repaint.  We’re trying to figure out if it’s worth putting a crib in or not.  We’re thinking of a toddler bed that can convert to twin size later when she’s older.  I’ll be posting before and after pictures so that you can see the results of the project.  We have a lot of work ahead of us!  Anyone want to help strip wallpaper???

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Life and Stalkers???

Life – big events filled in with small happenings which really don’t make that much of an impression. 
One of the more humorous events happened to me late last week after work; I was waiting for Jason to pick me up.  It was a nice day so I decided to stand outside to wait for him.  It’s not an unusual for me to wait a bit, but what happened next was just simply bizarre. 
As I was walking to my spot, I saw a few people in cars waiting for the individual they were waiting for.  Not unusual.  There was also a courtesy van for one of the local dealerships.  He was obviously waiting for someone who had their car serviced.  Not unusual either.  What happened next though was.  As I walked to the spot, the courtesy van crept closer to me.  I noticed this so I moved further down the sidewalk.  He slowly followed me.  So I kept walking.  He kept following me.  At this point, I was just annoyed, so I shook my head and walked back to where I usually wait.  The driver then turned the courtesy van around and drove up to where I was standing.  So I decided to start working my way back to where I had been when I turned around.  The guy driving the van put his car in reverse to follow me!  Jason got there shortly after and I hopped into our car and proceeded to laugh my behind off!
At what point should the van driver have realized that I wasn’t his customer?  Could it have been when I didn’t get into the car?  Or how about when I shook my head no?  The whole thing happened over about a seven minute time span so he SHOULD have gotten the hint, right???  Stalker.

So Jason and I have discovered the wonder that Trader Joe’s is.  Trader Joe’s is an awesome market that opened a location in West Des Moines.  They have all kinds of organic food and their produce section is phenomenal.  We noticed that we’ve started eating in more often since we’ve begun purchasing our food there. 
So last night, we were getting some groceries there for the week.  They have a station set up where they serve samples of the food they sell.  Last night, they were serving fettuccini with Langostine lobster tails.  It was divine.  It was also very appropriate for a Valentine’s Day dinner.  So we purchased the bag of pasta and the bag of lobster tails, took it home and I prepared it.  We also purchased a Dark Chocolate Ganache torte.  Add a bottle of moscato and we were in foodie heaven. 

And now onto adoption stuff. 
Rumor Queen still has our referral projected for May of this year.  I have to say, I really don’t agree with this.  Based on my running calculations, I think our referral will be either in July or August.  Now, they could totally surprise us all and refer a couple of BIG batches in there, but since blue’s not such a good color for me, I’m not going to hold my breath.   Not so sure that I’d want to go to Guangzhou in the middle of summer either.  It’s a tropical climate which has an average temperature in the 90’s with humidity in the 90% range.  Very hot and humid.   Ugh.  Add smelly diapers to a hot room and that just sounds fun, doesn’t it??
We’re also trying to get our fingerprints updated for the umpteenth time.  The wonderful federal government made “improvements” to the process.  At least that’s what the notice told us.  It’s really quite simple. 
1.       You call this 800 number which they provide to tell them you need to update your prints.
2.       They tell you that you need to email a request after filling out some paperwork.
3.       You fill out the paperwork and send the email
4.       They never respond to the email.
5.       You call them back to tell them you filled out the paperwork and emailed them.
6.       They tell you to send them the paperwork and they’ll email you with appointment information.
Well, that’s as far as we’ve gotten in the past month.  Not sure what the next steps are.  The old way, which apparently was MUCH more complex was:
1.       Go to the bank and buy a money order.
2.       Within 30 days of your expiration date, you drive down to the Federal Building on any given Wednesday.
3.       Walk through security.
4.       Get on the elevator to go to the USCIS (Immigration) office.
5.       Fill out the form the immigration officer gives you.
6.       Take a number
7.       When your number is called, get printed.
8.       Leave.
They raised the fees for their much “improved” process.  Ugh – Red tape. 
And lastly, we’re doing, what we hope is, our last home study update.  They hiked the fees up for that as well.  At least this year, we are dealing with our local office instead of the National office. 
Last year’s update was a stress inducing, tear jerking, anger and rage producing fiasco.  I have never come so close to going postal on anyone (even my ex-husband) as I was then. 
Background for those of you who weren’t aware. 
We started our adoption with a local agency called Gift of Love Adoption Agency.  My family doctor recommended the agency as he had adopted three of his daughters through them.  The people there were wonderful.  The problem was that the bulk of their adoption applications were for the China program and, due to the massive slow down of the China program, people stopped applying to adopt from that country.  This caused the agency to look for a larger agency to absorb their families so that those who continued to wait wouldn’t be stuck looking for an agency to take them.  So Gift of Love was acquired by America World. 
America World is the agency whom Steven Curtis Chapman used for his adoptions; a fine reputable, national agency. 
The gal that they had hired from Gift of Love, Beth – whom was absolutely wonderful, moved to a different position.  No one was notified because of a software glitch.  OK, I can handle that.  They gal they hired to replace her never contacted any of the families, never answered the phone, never returned voicemails, never responded to emails. 
Because we’ve been waiting so long, we’ve become quite familiar with the adoption laws in the state and know when our paperwork needs to be updated, and how long we need to complete all of the requisite paperwork.  So I emailed our local office, not knowing that our beloved Beth was no longer working for AWAA.  Never got a response.  So I called, left a voice mail.  No response.  We were now sitting at about one month away from our paperwork expiring so I called the national office.  They proceeded to tell me that I knew nothing about the process and that they knew better than I did.  OK, you JUST ticked off an “expectant” mother, who happens to have red hair and the temper to match.  I told them that I knew what the process was as I had been going through it for the previous FOUR YEARS and that they needed to get their facts straight and get someone out to our house to do the home study.  They said they’d look into it.  I calmed down, thinking that everything would be okay and that I’d be getting a call from them in a few days to set up an appointment.
Three weeks later, I finally called them back.  They never researched.  At this point, we were one week away from having our paperwork expire.  They also had hired a new social worker – Kim.  Poor gal, she was “christened” into her job with this mess.  I finally bullied (that sounds like such a bad word, but I did sort of threaten them with a lawsuit for breach of contract) them into researching what the state laws were.  Lo and behold, I was right!  Two days later, we had someone out to do the update and about a week after that, we had our update. 
After talking things over with Kim, I found out that they had also screwed another family over so badly that this family’s immigration paperwork had to be re-done, resulting in the possibility of losing their adoption.  Luckily, they didn’t, but with the changing health requirements in China, it was a distinct possibility. 
The national office has been trying to “repair” the relationship with us.  After this whole mess, we decided that we will never use this agency again, nor will we ever recommend them to anyone. 
We chose Gift of Love because of the personal service we would receive – that it was a family atmosphere.  America World, I feel like a number. 
This year, Kim has already sent us our requisite paperwork and is actively communicating with us.  Already a marked improvement.  We still aren’t going to use them for any future adoptions though.  That bridge was burnt…a long time ago.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Happy New Year - Rabbit Edition

So the cutoff for this month was June 2, 2006.  Once again, it was a very small batch.  It didn’t do too much damage to my calculations as I had already done the number crunching using smaller batch numbers.  What ticks me off is that it has been almost 2 months since the last referral batch and this is all they had to show for it.  I suppose one can say that we got referrals before the CCAA broke for the Chinese New Year Holiday is a good thing, but the size of the batch counteracts that! 
It angers me that they still accept applications to adopt non-special needs children from China.  How can they not be embarrassed that they are so slow at their job that people drop out of the program?  I know that Asians are generally proud people so this is totally out of character for them.  I feel so bad for the people who are behind us.  With 25 referral days in front of us, we’re still looking at about another 6 months before we even get our referral.  That’s less than 4 days a month.  And that’s also IF they refer in a month.  The last 4 months has only shown 2 batches so the odds aren’t favorable.  I’m going to guess that in the next 6 months we’ll see maybe 4 batches.  If they were smart, they’d work their tails off to get the back log taken care of, and then close the Non-Special needs program.  There isn’t anything positive about making a family wait for years and years for their heart.  But it’s not up to me. 
I’ve become very cynical during this wait.  The adage “Good things come to those who wait” never was at the mercy of a foreign government to grow their family.  I’m also at the end of my rope with patience.  The past few times when we’ve gotten rotten news regarding referrals, I’ve cried my heart out.  Those who know me well know that it takes an awful lot to reduce me to tears.  But this time, I got angry.  With 1,656 days of waiting since our LID, I think I’ve earned that right.  What pregnant woman has had to wait 5 years for their baby to be born?  The adoption community says that I’m pregnant on paper.  Well, in that time, there have been 2 elephants born AND the third one is due in about 150 days!  Yeah, we'll see the thrid one before we go.
So there’s where we’re at.
Happy New Year.  It’s the year of the rabbit.  Rabbit’s feet are supposed to bring good luck. 

Monday, December 20, 2010

Time, time, time......

1,613 days
38,712 hours
2,322,720 Minutes
139,363,200 seconds
That’s how long we’ve been waiting.  Keep in mind; these figures are based on our LID, not from when we actually started the whole process.  Our paper chase took us over 6 months to complete.  It’s going to be a few more months before we know anything. 
Here are the facts and what we do know:
·         Latest referrals were made for families logged in through May 29, 2006.
·         There are 28 referral days in front of us
·         We are “On Deck” with our agency
·         Unless the CCAA comes to a screeching halt, we WILL see our baby in 2011. 
Holidays are the hardest time.  Everything you see is geared towards families and children.  It makes the emptiness in our house just that much starker.  There are a lot of people out there, with kids, who take it all for granted.  I long to hear my child(ren) running through the house on Christmas morning, hyper and excited to open gifts.  I can SEE it sometimes when I’m sitting in the recliner in our living room.  I know Jason feels the same way.  It’s hard to get into the celebrations when you know that a piece of your family is missing.
We don’t put a tree up…haven’t for the last couple of years.  It’s just the 2 of us and we don’t see a reason to right now.  Next year, it will probably be our first Christmas with our little one.  Oh I can’t wait!  The tree WILL be going up then.  I can’t wait to see her eyes when she sees it for the first time.  We even already have a decorating plan.  I have a Cricut machine so all of our ornaments will be paper.  That way, if one falls off the tree, there will be no cut fingers or toes. 
Alas, I’m rambling.  I fully intended this post to be about my next guesstimates and such.  So here’s my guesstimate:  My guess for the next batch is June 5, 2006 based on the past numbers and referral rates.  It’s still looking like a May/June referral for us, meaning July/August travel.  It will probably be another month to month and a half before we see if I was right…..again.  This last year, I was wrong for only one batch….and that was because they referred MORE than I had anticipated.  I hope that I’m wrong in that manner a lot more in the beginning of 2011 so that our referral comes all that much sooner.
4 more shopping days until Christmas….

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Patience is a Virtue???

December 1, 2005, Jason and I submitted our application to adopt a child from China.  At that time, the wait was approximately 8 months from application to travel.  We were told that we would most likely be parents by Christmas, 2006. 
Oh how wrong they were.  We had major issues getting some of the paperwork needed…mainly, my employment verification letter.  My HR Department wanted the Chinese Government to call their 1-800 employee verification hotline.  Ummm, would you willingly tell a Communist Government to do that?  No way!  They’d laugh in your face!  Getting the letter written and having it use acceptable terminology was close to a 3 month process.   That form was faxed back and forth between the US and China more times than I can count on one hand.  I’m honestly surprised we weren’t charged for the fax bill.
Our paperwork was DTC (Dossier To China) on June 13, 2006.  Still doable for a Christmas referral as at that time, the wait had shortened to 6 months.
Then came the period between September, 2006 and February, 2007.  The program came to a virtual screeching halt.  The number of referral days started dwindling until they hit March and April of 2007.  Things seemed to have stopped at that time.  Now, I have no idea what really caused it.  We can only speculate.  China was preparing for the 2008 Olympics…officials claimed that there weren’t enough paper ready babies to refer…yada, yada, yada.  All I know is the data.  They barely did 2 months of referral days in 2007 and 2008.  2009 saw only March of 2006 referred.  We’ve seen a bit of a speed up in 2010 so far.  The next batch will probably be the last batch for 2010.  I’m guessing they won’t complete May of 2006, but will come close.  I expect the cut-off to be May 29, 2006.  I’m guessing that date based on past data.  That being said, based on the small numbers from the October batch, we won’t be getting a referral until April of 2011 now.  Hey, I suppose that’s good news because at one time, I was predicting 2013. 
Fact:  I do know that the Special Needs program has increased the number of children to be adopted.  They’ve been putting most of their focus on that. 
What I don’t understand is if you want to put that much emphasis on the SN program, why wouldn’t they close the Non-Special Needs program and solely focus on SN?  It’s kinder than letting those parents now logging into the NSN program to just sit for years and years. 
So in five years, I’ve been told MANY MANY times to be patient.  At this point, I don’t know how much MORE patient one can get!